July 9th, 2026
we had our fyp proposal presentation yesterday. oh boy, its not great.
my presentation was on 8.30am. i was the first person to present that day. although it sounds bad in theory, because technically you have to wake up early and have no time to prepare after waking up, but i like that timing. as im getting older, i become quite fond of getting things done at early in the morning. because its the best time to get things done. you get to wake up early, you dont have to be anxious about it the entire day, you get things done and you still have a whole day. i get my mom now. i get why she always want to be the first person to arrive at mydin in the morning. because the parking is empty, the line is empty, the groceries are fresh and when you come back home, its still morning. so yeah, im not complaining about it. i hate when exam starts at 3pm, and i got very anxious to study the morning of it, and regret not studying it the day before. exam starts past afternoon makes me more lazier than ever tbh.
anyway, i love that im also the first person. so i dont have to watch other people present and worried about what if i cant be as good. and if you're the first person, you will become the determinant of that day's presentation. youll become the standard if youre doing great, or youll become the worst example if youre doing bad. and because you're the first, the assesors have no expectations towards you. they cant compare you to anyone else. and to that, im very grateful to be the first person.
i think i did great for the presentation. a little bit longer than i expected, but its good. i can see that my assesor getting bored because both of them dont know f1. so when i explain the f1 terms, they looked away. i didnt prepare for any question, because my mindset is just to rawdog it. just answer anything that comes to mind first. and if theres question that im unable to answer, i will simply say, i will take note of that and fix where i needed to. but thankfully all of the questions they ask are mostly about my slides. there are some infos on the slides that are wrongly placed or wrongly named, it should have been on other sections. i also need to be detailed about some infos and not just generalize it. most of the questions asked are about research gap, which i know they will come at. because i got a feeling that my research gap is not completed. but overall, i can answer all questions and accept all suggestions. i dont think its that bad, though they dont say whether they like my idea or not. but they do ask me if i approach any ngo or sponsors that would love this app. i dont know if i need to or if they see that my app has potential. its good if they do, which means my app is not that stupid or useless. because i have a strong feeling that its a bit useless. who tf is that serious when playing f1 fantasy anyway. i havent open my f1 fantasy or predict for a long time now.
they ask me to add some features to make this app less boring. which to that, i said screw you if you find it boring, you guys dont watch f1. but ofc i dont say that. i just say "maybe if i have time, i will include f1 fantasy game for beginner".
anyway, i dont know why i think about kyle before and after the presentation. will he like it? will he be proud of me and my useless app? will he approve of my presentation? hows his presentation? i bet he nailed it. when i arrived at the faculty early in the morning, i was hoping to bump into him tbh. who knows that maybe our fate is too strong that we got to present at the same day at the same time. but the faculty was empty when i got there. it seemed like only my course that present that day. or maybe i was too early. i also was hoping to bump into him after the presenatation. what if we met and he asked me about my presentation and said he was proud of me and wanted to buy me some zus coffee to celebrate our successful presentations and we both walked there and talked and arrived at zus and still talked and sat next to each other until my mom came pick me up. but to my regret, the faculty was still empty when i finished.
"So what would you think of me now? So lucky, so strong, so proud" - hear you me (jimmy eat world)
i had been curating this scenario for two days now. it would have been so great if we could meet again, for the last time, and talk like before. talk like we're in those labs. i honestly dont want this to end. i still like him even though i keep replaying our awkward moments sometimes. we dont have much time left before graduating, i want to know about him more. i feel like a creep every time i scrolled his moms fb page. i want to know about his life from his perspective, not from his moms feed. it would have been perfect if we could just sit down one last time and get to know each other for the second time. because the last time, i was too coward for that. i got back home early. i should have stayed until he offered to get zus or something.
okay, enough about kyle. it will pass, like any other crushes i have. i actually want to talk about my friend, who is also my roommate. after i was done with my presentation, it was her turn. my presentation was dragged a little because the assesors asked a lot of questions, plus i think my presentation is longer. i finished at 9.15, when i supposed to be finished at 8.55. my friend presented her project about 15 minutes, and then qna time.
the first male assesor asked her about her stuff. she had an user case diagram where she had two actors. one, the user and another one the admin. he asked her who is the admin. maybe she didnt quite undestand that, she thought the admin means the one that develop the app, so she asnwered me, im the admin. the assesor sounded a bit surprised by that, and he asked "youre gonna be the admin?" and she replied yes. he also asked her a bunch of other questions that i cant remember.
then, its time for the second assesor to ask question. shes a little strict. shes the one that asked me to adjust my slides bla bla. i used to have class with her in the previous semester. she didnt teach shit. she just asked us to do the google online course, coursera for the entire semester for her subject. so because of that, i thought she was chill and more laid back. however she was not. she even pointed out when i got my grammar wrong in the slides.
anyway, i dont remember much what she asked because the tension in that room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. i pretended to scroll on my phone when she commented on my friends project. firstly, she criticized about her research gap. she put the comparison between the websites and the articles together in one table, which made it a bit confusing. then she critized about her using the word 'gamified' when theres no game proposed for the project. but i would argue that gamified does not mean game. it means interacting name mechanics into non-game context. like collecting points or get rewards. my friends website is about you get points every time you finished an assignments. and these points then can be turned into food redemption. if you collect more points, you can redeem food. thats a nice idea actually, since it encourages people to do assignments. but maybe the way she delivered it made it lacks something. the assesor was asking whos gonna supply the food. i dont remember what she answered. i think she said faculty cafe.
the assesor than asked about the admin thing. whos gonna be the admin. and she answered her. then she asked again if she gonna be admin forever, is it not sustainbale if youre the admin. and my friend couldnt answer more of that. so thats when the assesor snapped. she said the admin should be the comcil to manage the website. thats when i was like ohh yeah make sense. even i didnt think about it. she criticized other things as well. then she asked my friend how long she prepared for the project, because she didnt seem serious about it. she said dont use chatgpt to do it for her. which is weird, because i also used chatgpt. the content in my slides are 100% refined by chatgpt. she also said, you're a final year student, this is not the quality you should be delivered.
if i remember correctly, my friends completed her proposal first before me. she always have progressed in her project and meet our SV more than me (we share the same sv). i always thought im the lazy one among us three because i barely meet our sv (i shared my sv with another of my friend. so its three of us). i also used chatgpt for my slides and my methodology, because i simply cant think for myself. i can, but i dont have time for that. so it is a bit shocking when shes the one that got criticized for her project because her project seemed put together. my project is all over the place.
the woman also critized that some of her diagram is too small to read. she called her to her table and said "from where im sitting, can you read your own slide? can you read the diagram?" sheesh. the assesor raised her voice, i hate when people raise their voice, so i definitely hate being here. i felt sorry for my friends. she must have felt like crying infront of the room. a little background about my friend, english is not her strong suit. she can understand when people speak in english, its just that she struggles a bit when talking in english. which i dont blame her. we live in the country where we mix up both malay and english and nobody can master both. its either you mediocre at both or you master one of them but mediocre with the other. i have never seen people who master both tbh. i have never seen people who can write both puisi and poetry with the same level of mastery. and my friend here is master in malay, because i have seen her write some puisi before. its not her fault the world is so unfair to her, that she is forced to be good at both languages. its not her fault that malaysia has split identity that we dont know if we should priotized malay or english. shes just good in malay, thats it.
the questions were asked in english, and she replied with broken english. she understood the questions, its just her answer make it seems like she doesnt because she gave short answers. i know her heart was there. but because of the short answer, it made it seemed like she had no confidence in her answer. so maybe thats why the woman assesor was mad and said she wasnt serious. my friend was asked to do the presenatation again because the asseosr was not satisfied. the woman said "how about you present again?" and my friend replied "when?" and the woman was like "why? you have bought bus ticket? youre confident that you can pass this?" dammmmnnnnn. i was so scared for her. why would she said that. i would rather her giving low marks than asking me to do the presentation again. wait, yk what i'd rather do it again than her giving me low marks. the assesor then said to present to her online after the exam.
anyway, its almost 10am when she finished. i was ready to get up, because me and her wanted to go back to college together. it was awkward, i dont know when should i get up. she looked like shes recollecting herself. so i just get up because its 10am, my mom supposed to pick me up. my friend saw me and followed me getting out of the room.
outside, it was even more awkward. but thank god, shes not crying or anything. i dont know what to say if she was crying. she looked okay, just a little bit frustrated. she asked, "i dont know about doing it again." which i agree. thats when i told her, damn the woman is scary. i thought shes chill. i complained about her, and that she didnt have to get that mad. and we didnt talk much during the walk to college. we're both quiet. in awkward moment like this, i diassociated and thought about kyle, because hes hot so why not. and when we got to our room, she said how she had no energy to do anything. she didnt want to think about the fyp ever again. she looked tired, and so am i. if i were her, i would scream and curse at every breathing thing. i feel bad for her. i told her if she wants my mom to send her to tbs, she can just say it (her bus was at 2.30pm). thats the least i could offer to cheer her up. that was horrible what she went through. i know her, i know how much she worked for this. so i feel bad that she had to do this again. i even offered to buy her zus coffee (yes i think about kyle again).
but she didnt say anything after that. shes just on her phone until my mom arrived. im very bad at comforting people, because i dont know what to say. i dont want to say "sabar eh" because what if its not a sabar matter. what if they tried to hide that they are not affected by what happened because they are embarrassed and i tried to act like they are affected. what if shes just okay with it, but i overreacted. so if i need to comfort someone, i will take their side. if they are angry, i will make their feelings feel valid. i said the assesor was being too much and she should not get mad at her.
after i got back home, my other friend asked in our whatsapp group if our presentation went well. i said that the assesor was strict and told her that she asked us to improved a lot of things. and she was like "serious laa". my other friend, the other one that also share the same sv, said the assesor said her app is not that impactful and students wont be using it. her app is like quizlet, where students get to make a quiz and answer themselves for self study. i dont know whats wrong with the accessor, but she was moody today. does she got beef with out sv? is she just mad that we all didnt have the prototype for out app/website? is that why shes so strict at everything?
damn, i just hope i got good marks. there are few things she asked me, but i can answer them all. she didnt look mad during my presentation. if anything, she just looked like shes trying to understand. i answered her questions with professional tone so i sound confident. i learned that sometimes, you dont have to get things right, you just need to be confident. confidence first, the truth second. i learned this from few extrovert people. you know how they sometimes are so confident to say the wrong things, but people believe them anyway because they look like they really believe in what theyre saying. so this is how i learned to talk like this. if youre confident enough, people gonna believe in any lie you say. if you want to convince people of anything, say it with confidence. pretend youre a politician. thats how you get away with anything.
and because of that, i would say im a pretty good liar. i dont lie often, but i always keep a straight face when i lie. share a little piece about your life, share some embarassing moments, and people gonna think you're an open book and not a liar. look convincing enough and now people gonna believe anything that came out of your mouth. i always practice to sound convincing when i talk or present. so i look like i master whatever topic im talking about. even if im not.
thats some guide on how to be a good liar for you. im not saying im a good liar, because most of the time i just be direct about everything. but because people thought im gonna say whatever i feel, then they would never take me as a liar. i took MBTI test three times already. in 2022, in 2024, and in 2026. i got the same results for each test: INTJ. i dont really believe in stuff like this, but i got three same result in the same row, so its pretty convincing.
i looked up about intj and its traits. it says that i can be a good liar, and that i am reserved person and i prefer to talk when its necessary. i also got a critical thinking where i would think about why certain things happen. such like asking why? why you do this instead of that? why you choose this and not that? what was your reasoning? and i also like to think about the possibility of what could happen. and apparently, intj do not give a damn about peoples feelings, and only think about logic. which if i think back, it sort of true. i sometimes dont care about peoples feelings because if i were in their shoes, i wont be affected by it that much. i just say good riddance, and move on. but im not saying i really dont care. I DO! i dont be much direct when it comes to feelings. i try to be condescending and arrange my words properly so it doesnt touch any sensitive part. its just sometimes i think people are too attached with their feelings that they dont see how much opportunity they have wasted because of that. people are too busy being insecure and shy they dont know how much they have missed out. people think too much about themselves and how they are perceived that they cant have fun anymore. people should be allowed to have fun without thinking whos gonna care about it.
im insecure too, but there should be time and place for everything. i have a friend who cant even eat at a cafe if there are group of boys eating at the same place too. i told her we should eat here because i dont like to take away. but she said she didnt want to. i asked her why, though i know why. she clearly felt like she was being watched by the boys (which sounds a bit pick me, because why would the boys care about you. but shes pretty so its valid if she feels that way). so i just said "why? because theyre too loud? yeah i agree too, i think they are too loud. i hate when they laugh, because they will do too much sometimes." because me asking her why makes her feel like i was being judgemental and not understanding of her situation. i just dont want to make it awkward, okay. shes a bit perasan, yes, but fine. youre the pretty one, boys gonna look at you, so youre uncomfartable, okay. plus she has some boys in her dm trying to hit on her, so its valid if she thinks the boys will look at her. i dont want to be an inconsiderate loser friend whos just so oblivious about it, so i just keep quiet and follow what she wants. maybe because im not that pretty so idgaf if boys look at me or not. they mostly wont, and even if they do who cares. theyre not kyle.
maybe i need to be less direct and just follow what people want tbh. i hate that my friends are shy to do anything. but yk what i want to be a good friend, i want to be understanding. i dont want to seem like i dont care about peoples feelings at all. i care, but its just i show it in different way. but people with fragile heart wont get it. they only think about themselves sometimes.
goodbye.
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