September 11th, 2023
last week, when the talent acquisition called me, she informed that she will let me know if i get chosen to be interviewed by her manager. she will email me on MONDAY.
guess what day is today
montag :)
its 6pm, office hour probably already end so i guess... thats it. my journey of anxiousness and begging and throwing up and crying finally comes to an end. i dont get the scholarship and i dont have any university to do my degree. my excitement to take ielts and make a great comeback statement on my instagram second account has died down.
i dont have the energy to do anything now, not even applying to private uni. everything is expensive and against the income of my dad. if he knew how much he's about to pay for my studies, we wont be enjoying good food like we used to. and maybe we wont be going overseas to visit my sisters at all. and i will attend my class with guilt everyday knowing how much my parents have to suffer to get me a degree.
im not familiar with rejection so its hard for me to handle my feelings. nothing happens according to my plan and now i feel like im failing in life. i feel like everything is against me and the only way i can escape this and be happy again is by doing nothing. just let the flow take me wherever it wishes.
now that a lot uni applications has closed, then do i need to wait another year and cry in my lonely dark bedroom again? damn i should've take ielts long time ago
and for Ainaa from Eduvisor, sorry that i lied to you about already enrol to public uni. i just want you to leave me alone because i was in distress. thanks for suggesting me those private unis i can go to, but i cant afford any of them.
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