September 7th, 2023
my worst fears were realised. "Tidak berjaya" was displayed on the monitor screen. As big as it should.
mama sat next to me, shocked but at the same time pulled her phone to the screen, and took a picture. i was checking the connection, making sure it wasn't another usual governmental website crash caused by heavy traffic. she started to blast out the news to the family whatsapp groups, yes, GROUPS. she might, or might not care that i was in one of the groups as well as my phone chimed, loud and clear, filling the silence in my room. it was the picture of my screen.
there were five links. i clicked all of them, filled out my IC number in each empty box. the same words came out. checked twitter, maybe everyone saw the same word, but no. they didnt. even some of them got into the uni that i want. the course i was meant to take.
minutes past, and the family whatsapp group already had 20+ notifications. everyone came close, including the one in another country far far away. but i couldnt bring myself to read in the group yet. i just read them from my notification centre. "check again. might be a mistake" "apply private uni" "apply uni in the uk" "apply this scholarship" "take ielts"
if only they knew how hard it is to apply anything with this result
just when i thought there's nothing left for me, a call from the scholarship that i've been longing for came to the rescue. but i was at my lowest at the time. so when she, the talent acquisition, explained to me about the scholarship and my life in germany if i get it, i didnt pay attention to her that much. i was nervous and sad and i told her about my failed upu result. she also asked about other unis that i applied to, and something something. but i already lost hope when she said they only take two people for the scholarship. one person already get it, and there's only one empty space. my application is being processed and will be reviewed by her manager, along other THREE applications from other candidates. so right now i think it's best if i move along and think less about going to germany...
also hoping a rich man interested to marry me the next day
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