seriously, i have never had a man so interested in me before. not until kyle. i have never had a man loving my vibe so much he wants to hangout with me. not even adam can me feel this way.
we had online class today with kyle (my lab demo). before class, he made a poll if we should do online or physical class. me, obviously voted for physical. its our last class. i want to see his face one last time. the last time i see him was when we had our little conversation at my table on 12th june. it was imperfect but i like it. i like him. i stalked him to the core of the internet just to obtain his pictures. even those pictures are from years ago. from my memory of that day, he doesnt look like that. but hes still cute nevertheless.
i even convinced my group to vote for physical with excuse of "project discussion". its funny because theres nothing to be discussed about. we're 90% done. but of course, my needs should be prioritise. theyd never get it. unfortunately, physical class didnt make it. everyone prefer online more. but what even more shocking, kyle voted for physical class. lowkey i feel like he wants to see me but whatever. but its stupid coming from him. if he wants physical class, just do it. no need to do the poll. he has enough power to do that. IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME JUST SAY IT. i'd dropped anything just to meet you halfway.
anyway, we had our class this morning. when i joined the meet, he was talking to someone. and when he saw me joining, he stopped talking and said "wait damia just joined". and then proceed to talk to me instead! the other guy was cut off just like that lol. he asked about our progress and i told him. then he said about geolocation. he mentioned that we need to do that for our project, but it wasnt in the scope. so i asked him about it. and thats when we talked a lot. i think it was about a good 30 minutes. he was showing his screen asking chatgpt about geomap. and i just sit there replied to his questions. my friends are with me in my room while doing online class. so i cant talk much because theyre being noisy. and i cant joke around that much because my friends can hear how flirty i can be infront of a man when all the while im nonchalant with them.
so kyle was explaining about navigator screen in trx. theres this direction panel in trx where it can show you where you need to go. if youre at first floor and want to got to a particular store at another floor, the screen will show which way you need to go from there. like direction screen in malls. kyle was giving example in trx, but i didnt get it at that time. he said, youve been to trx right? if youre lost, you find direction using that screen. and i was like "i never get lost in trx. why would you get lost. its not that big". and he said "bodohla" BROO I MADE HIM CURSE IN MALAY. i dont know if he was laughing or not because i didnt hear him laughing. but the way he said it seems like he was annoyed. lol. i love ragebaiting him.
after that, i showed our app and thats when he realized we didnt have to do the geomap thingy. he was like "bro i was so dumb". love that hes self aware. since, yk he was so acah before. after i presented, he said, "okay damia you can go back to your hometown" (because i mentioned that i go back home every week to him before). and now he teased me about it. i said "shut up". and he asked if my sister picked me up. i replied yes.
he praised our app a lot. he kept saying damia's group doing a good job. that we might be the benchmark. and that we're almost done. he might give full mark, who knows. all that hardwork of me being gedik finally paid off.
it was another guy's turn to present. it was ashman. kyle was glazing him and called him ashman my goat. and then they were talking about how they went to mixue before. ashman said they should go to mixue together again. and kyle wanted to invite the whole class too (its only 7 of us inc. me). he was like lets all go to mixue and have our last class there. it sounds like a good idea, and i want to go so bad to see him. I MISS HIM. I MISS HIS FACE. i need to see it one last time. but i cant. i dont think my friend whos the same class with me want to go there. shes shy. and i dont want to go alone. i dont want to look desperate and needy infront of my friends. im already being a pick me by mentioning his name in a lot of my conversation with my friends. i cant help it, i cant stop thinking about him. i think about him before going to sleep and think about him again after waking up. he has bewitched me body and soul. its such a shame we wont be meeting each other again. because i really do believe we have connection somewhere.
so when kyle asked the class if they want to join, i said im going home. and he was like "damia, youre actually suck for this". lol he was already flabbergasted when i said im going home every week. and now he tried to tease me about it. and he sounds dissapointed that i cant join them. like just say you want to have me around bro! dont be too obvious that you are devestated that i cant join your hangout. i found it cute that he wants to include me too. this is a little delusional, but deep down i know when he asked the whole class, he meant me. he wants to invite me. only me and ashman interact with him in that class and everyone else never open their mic the entire class, so its pretty obvious. but i said im going home :( the plot twist is im not going home actually, i need to finish my project. but im just shy like that. i only want to go out with him alone, not thirwheeled by ashman. if i actually dont give a damn about peoples opinion, i would have joined them. i could see his face one last time. and probably take some pictures with him too, for me to keep.
i replied back "fuck off bro". its a bit harsh, but he can take a joke. i heard him laughing, or maybe that was ashman. or both. but it was reasonable answer. he was teasing me a lot in class. maybe as a revenge of me always ragebaiting him. and at the end of the class, he was mentioning soemthing. i gave him thumbs up. and he was like "damia, just go home bruh" hahahahha just said youre sad that this is our last class and we cant meet again. JUST SAY IT. he teased me a lot about going home every week. idk why.
thats the end of it i guess. i said thank you and he said thank you back. the class is dismissed. i know i dont feel it now, but i will miss him soooo bad during semester break. given that i only have pictures of him from years ago, im gonna be bored of those. i need to see him badly. i need to talk more about his twin and his moms candle business.
like i said, i have never had a guy so interested in me before. so excited to talk to me. teased me a lot. hes the only one. not even adam makes me feel like this. i literally walk passed adam a couple days ago, and i felt nothing. maybe i finally realize that adam just being nice to everyone. just because hes interested in my camera and my pictures and laughed at my lame jokes, doesnt mean he has feelings for me. i take back everything i said about him. and he probably has a girlfriend too.
with kyle, its real. i dont have to be delusional. he really wants to get to know me and everything i do. he wants to be friends with me. he wants to invite me to a hangout. but im too chicken for that. i know personality wise, adam would have match my preference. because hes smart and kind and has his own charm. but kyle is different. i love that i dont feel like i need to compete with him. even though his experience would look longer in his resume than mine, but i dont feel like competing with him like adam somehow. kyle just so ahead of me its impossible to be on his level. or maybe hes just on my level, but different kind. kyle enjoys walking, doesnt like spending money on grab, doesnt make me feel small (hes still need to improve this). but at least he seems to enjoy my company. we could have a date in mamak for all i care.
i know we're living in capitalistic world where men need money to actually be decent boyfriend, but i dont care lowkey. we're students, we're just starting to build lives, we supposed to struggle a bit financially at this phase of life. i dont care if me and kyle date in mixue, i dont care if we're too cheap for grab that we'd rather walk instead, i dont care if we share screen to watch f1 on sooka. i hate when we have to spend unncessary money on something that can easily be done. like for example, my friends like to order mixue on grab because they dont want to get out of the room. i dont know why i feel like that is too much for me. eventhough its grab, but thats such a waste. its not that far to walk, the mixue is inside the campus. thats why i said i would enjoy walking with kyle because i know hes like me. he would rather walk than giving money to that greedy zionist company.
and moreover, even if i think theres some characteristic traits i dont like about him, but its not like we can get married anyway. so if we break up because i had too much of him, i dont think i will be that devestated. we are not meant to be together forever anyway. but this is the topic for future me to worry about. right now let me drown in my own delusion.
my friends did ask me if i like kyle. i want to scream at them "FUCK YES IM IN LOVE WITH NATE JACOBS AND HES IN LOVE WITH ME!" but instead i just said ew no hes a loser and a nerd.
so goodbye to my favorite nerd. you're gonna be the benchmark of every guy that will walk into my life after this. you're gonna be remembered always. i hope we can meet again in the future. if not, i will plot our next meeting.
xoxo
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