daydreaming

Aug 15th, 2026

like i said in my previous post, i supposed to go to ikea today. i supposed to buy a billy bookshelf for my room. the night before, i cleaned my wall from tack-it and moved all posters so i can make room for my new bookshelf that i supposed to have it today. but of course my dad has other plan. 

at 9.23 am today, my mom messaged to the group. she said my dad said no need to buy the bookshelf yet. my dad wanted me to buy the bookshelf with him together, because allegedly he wants to buy other stuff too in ikea. the thing is, hes been saying this since last year. hes been saying that he wants to buy me a billy and buy more billys for the family area. but here we are. still no billy. he keeps saying the same thing over and over, making the same promises, and im tired to hear about it. i need my billy neow. okay maybe not now, but i need it soon enough. because i know i will buy more books and my bookshelf cant take any more book. its already packed like sardine. but knowing my dad, soon will be another year, and i will have to beg for him to keep his promises. 

the thing is, im not using his own money. i already plan to use mine, using spaylater and utilize some vouchers as well. but im broke, so it would be nice to use his money instead. but thats the hard pill i have to swallow. i have to beg and wait and beg again and wait, until hes had enough of it. 

so i obey and wait.

besides the billy thing, im also a little bit frustrated of not going to ikea today. because, if you already know me, you know i already created a scenario where, yes, #he would be there. like come on. im in my process of forgetting him, but at the same time i still want to see his face. i still create scenarios where we would accidentally bump into each other. none of these scenarios have come alive yet, but its nothing wrong to hope that they will. i guess seeing him in ikea would be fun. i imagined he would see me in the middle of buying my billy and he would come up to me and said "damia?" and we would chit chat a bit and we would talk about f1 in sepang and complain about how ridiculous the price is. just like the old days (two months ago).

its not a surprise i made a little scenario where i bump into him at everywhere i go, because its fun. i can practice my stoic face and acting like i didnt just fantasize about us meeting in the most random place like this. too bad we didnt go to ikea today, like i was hoping for. maybe we can try nu empire next.

talking about nu empire, i just realized ive went there before. the mall used to be called empire shopping gallery. i know about that mall because when i lived in rawang, whenever my parents want to go somewhere in selangor, they would use the highway besides that mall. so i knew that mall. it used to have a fire accident in one of the shops there, so when i passed the mall, i would see some part of it had charred structure because it got engulfed in fire. the famous wicked wardrobe also used to have store there, so thats how i know about the mall. i once begged to my mom to go, but she never let me. 

but the mall is not just a childhood memory. during my alevel years, ive once initiated a hangout with sazu and deni at subang parade (odd choice to hangout, considering how old this mall is. i know. my parents made fun of me later on because i went to a mall nobody went to anymore). but anyway, we met there and i finally realize how old every shop in this mall was. its like going to third floor of berjaya tiems square. every shop is either bundle or indie shop you never heard of. there are some frenchise like mcd and kfc but everything else was mid. nothing much to do, and i did regret not doing any thorough research about this mall. i chosed subang parade because its near to sazu and me. 

so being dissapointed about the mall, me and deni found another mall beside subang parade that is much more modern and less lame. its just walking distance and we also asked sazu to go there instead. i remember the mall is much more fun than subang parade. its more of a mall than subang parade. the shops are more modern and there are more variety in cafes and restaurants. i remember we ate there instead. and i also ordered grab to intec alone because i had exam at 4pm. i dont even know the name of the mall, i just remember that its better than subang parade. i had the urged to check google maps a few days ago and that mall turns out to be nu empire. haha. you know, he said he worked there after spm, which was somewhere in 2022. my hangout was in 2022. there is a higher chance we might be at the same place at the same time as each other and never know. red string theory or wtv they said.

anyway, me and my sisters went to ayam gepuk shop near my house for lunch. while waiting, pia asked me to teman her to jnt across the shop to drop a parcel. we entered the jnt store, and guess what. i met kyle. just kidding, but i met someone who resembled him. this jnt staff who was helping customer at the counter looked so much like kyle its uncanny. i literally thought it was him at first. i was like, why is kyle doing part time in sendayan? but seriously, the staff looked so much like him. down to the eyebrows, the haircut, the lips, the skinny jeans. he IS a copy of him. i thought its just my brain daydreaming in the middle of this jnt store, but no. he really looked like him, just a bit tanner. i kept glancing at him many times to make sure its not kyle. maybe this is just universe trying to bully me for having my hopes up, since i fantasized about bumping into him the day before. 

maybe this a sign or something, but sadly i dont believe in that. 

btw, im still considering to buy that f1 ticket. the rm200 ticket already sold out. my only option is the rm800 ones. deni and pia agree to go. they have money, they dont have problem with that. i have money too, but i have problem with that. if i go to f1, then there goes my savings. im actively reading again, so i think about every spending in book currency. rm800? i could buy 12 books in kino with that. rm300 for bookshelf? i could buy 5 books in popular. nothing is worth more than books right now. 800 is too much. i can literally buy abrand new kobo with that money. i dont think i love f1 more than i love books. like i said, i already lose hope to watch f1. sitting on the grass under blazing sun, with expensive food, and theres higher percentage of rainstorm and traffic jams, and shitty toilet and surau. tell me if that experience is worth 800 ringgit.

now the only reason i want to go is i might or might not get to see #him. which not really a strong reason to spend my rm800, considering how he might not be there or we sat at different hillstand.

and the dilemma continues.