i might know how to get my life back on track. how to have chance to go to germany again. but it mostly depends on luck. 60% luck, 40% effort.
a private company offers a scholarship to study in germany for two years. of course i will shoot my shot, whether my mom forces me to or not. the thought of studying in germany has been lingering on my brain for as long as i can remember, that it starts to slowly scratch my insanity. I NEED THIS SCHOLARSHIP, even if i have to take the course that isnt really my niche. (they offer mechanical engineering)
i know what you're thinking "but the last time you forced yourself to study something you didnt enjoy, you ended up having minor depression and miserable life" well you're not wrong, but FALSE. i cant believe i said this, but i do enjoy taking a-level. doing past years papers is not that bad. but what i dont enjoy is the little amount of time to study for exam. it frustrated me how unfair it is that other people who take a-level get 2 years while i only have 1.5 years. obviously i need more time. and being surrounded by super smart people didnt help either.
although i think like this is a good idea, but at the same time im also scared. what if this scholarship is not a second chance but rather a trap? a trap so i dont make the same mistake twice? what if i will be surrounded by another group of smart people? what if this one is worst than before?
despite this never-ending fear and hesitation, i will do it. opportunity knocks only once and i will give my best to it.
i've calculate the possibility of me getting the scholarship and its around 40%. the only good qualification of me that probably unique than other candidates is i've learn german until B2 level. i can talk in german and i can think in german. but the two things that will lower my chance to get pick are lack of A in my a-level result and the absence of IELTS.
it stresses me out so much, especially the ielts one. its ridiculously expensive and if i didnt get the scholarship, my parents money will go to waste just like that. i dont want to disappoint them anymore. i have disappoint them enough with my a-level result, now this?
i hope they accept muet. they have to.
song - 1 step forward, 3 steps back, olivia rodrigo
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