first ordeal with boomers

February 23th, 2026

im giving up.

i still cant get the subject i want. i want pattern recognition class, but its full. they secretly added few quotas without any notice, and i missed it. the class is full again.

i finally comes to terms that i will never earn a spot there. on friday last week, i asked my advisor if they can add more quota just for me and of course, being a boomer/gen x/late millennial he is, he responded late. i messaged him before 12, he replied at almost 3pm. i hate having to whatsapp matter that is serious to me but not to others like this, because i know they saw my text. they have their phone with them 24/7, they definitely saw the notifications. but because they dont take my matter seriously like i do, they ignored it and decide to reply it later. 

so when he replied, i thought its settled. that they added the quota like how my friend got her spot. but then i read the text. he said to ask the lecturer that is teaching the subject. so with a sigh, because i know im gonna get dissapointed with whatever reply i got, i search for that lecturer's number and text him. i didnt introduce myself, because i thought it would be useless anyway and not like he knows me, i immediately jumped to business. i asked him about extending the quota. and i waited and waited. 

then he replied. i opened my ohone with hope i got my answer, but he replied "who is this? a scammer?" ???? why would a scammer asked about a subject quota! OMG these people really like wasting time. i know its partially my fault for not introducing myself, but why he needs to know who am i anyway. i just need the freaking seat to his class. with so much patience, i introduced myself and waited again. at this point it almost 4pm. all i know about these office people are they dont like to reply to any messages or emails regarding work after 4pm even though their business hour ended at 5. 

again, this is what i dont like about them. they take problem that does not affecting them lightly. they dont care if the problem affects you, they just gonna be like "here damn. i hate that i have to do my job". anyway, the lecturer replied, late of course, and at this point i thought finally, im gonna have my answers. but then he sent me a voicemail saying its not his job to add quota. 

yep. i love interacting with boomers. they love to waste time so much you'd wonder is this how they spend the rest of their life? wasting peoples time? but thankfully, he told me who i can contact to regarding the quota, which is a new boomer standard for me. usually they would leave you a halfhearted answer and you have to ask more to get more info out of them, but he actually gives the info i need. so its okay. not that okay, but my expectations are really low anyway, so ok.

now, you must be wondering, dont these people have whatsapp group? they are in the same department, surely they have some sort of groupchat. why dont they ask the groupchat about that, and discuss the possible solution? instead of me having to ask each one of them and having them to keep pointing fingers until anyone finally has to deal with me? but of course, who am i for them to do that. im not important enough. 

so with a new form of patience and whatever dignity left of me, i emailed the one that is responsible for the quota. shes the head department, so i thought, finally, she cant passed me to someone else. shes the final boss. its her job. the time was 4.38pm, and i know for sure i wont get my answer that day. i have to wait for next monday to get her response. and i just have to hope my email doesnt get burried under other emails in her inbox. i dont know how many email she got in a day, but i hope she saw mine. she has to.

its monday now, time 2.17pm. still no reply yet. i've given up. i know she saw my email, and i know she ignored it because she doesnt want to deal with it. i dindt have high hope, but i have hope. a little, but still hope. i checked the quota for the subject, still full. i checked quota for other elective subjects, they 3 available seats. i grabbed it even though its not the subject i want. well, i guess thats just how the way things go. i know my hopes gonna crumble the seconds things dont go my way. 

i dropped a free elective course, engineering math because it clashes with that subject and right now i am short of s free elective. i dont want to bring this problem onto the next semester because i know its going to burden me, but what more choices do i have. i still hold grudges of my friends taking three elective subjects and did not spare me some. i hate them even more now and i hope they regret being this greedy.

goodbye

i got possessed by digicam

September 2nd, 2023

im in a discussion with myself whether or not should i get a digicam. 

i have some money in my bank, not a lot, but certainly passed if i want to purchase some secondhand digicam from shopee. the only problem is i dont like seeing that money drops. i work every weekend just to get rm90 a week, and i need to save money for when i enter uni later. i still dont know where im going to enrol yet, but it'll definitely going to cost a lot for living. food, books, hostel etc. 

every tuesday, i never miss checking my cart, making sure if they restocking the cameras. i aim for sony cameras, becuase usually they are in better quality. but the problem is they are expensive as hell. rm400 and above. my budget is only around 200-300. im just a girl who wants to have her pinterest aesthetic, why oh why do i need to spend this much. being a pinterest girly should be all about affordable and sustainable. but of course men have to capitalize it and make sure women pay more for this lifestyle. 

anyway, i bought a digicam. not from the seller on shopee, but from carousell. it was a panasonic lumix. dont remember the model, but it was ass. the camera, i mean, the camera was ass. i bought it for rm280, still a lot for old digicam and it was ass. it cannot capture properly and the only the picture came out good was like one time. of course i regret it. i regret everything in my life. this thing is a waste of money.

to make the situation worst, i also brought a handycam. this one was purchased before the digicam. it was a canon handycam. it was great, i love its quality. but the downside is its video format. because this handycam is so old, the modern laptop and editing app do not carry thhis type of format anymore. so if i want to edit video and watch the video, i need to convert the format. again, we live in capitalistic society, everything is a money making opportunity for capatalists. to convert this video format, you need to pay for thier monthly subscription. which was like 10 dollar. who tf needs to pay that much. so at the end, my videos just sit in the sd card, untouched because i cant figure out other way that is free to convert these videos. 

its 2026 now. 3 years after i wrote this entry and never finish it. as for now, two of those devices, the handycam and digicam are broken. they are unusable. they are so old, i cant switch them on. already charge them, but still nothing happend. of course i forever live in misery every day knowing that i wasted almost rm500 for unusable vintage craps. i now learned my lesson and  will never buy anything vintage anymore. fuck that aesthetic, nobody told me it comes with maintenance fee.